Exquisite Kindness
A day or two ago, I was surfing Facebook sites to which I post. On the website of one of the churches I served was a note from a church member that stopped me in my tracks. I have no real idea what led that church member to write what he/she did. But that post reminded me that in the midst of a difficult world there are folks who exhibit exquisite kindness.
I am paraphrasing the post so as not to identify the writer of the blog post. The writer, who I will call Jerome, offered an invitation to any member of the church who might need a “safe place” to talk, to sit and have a cup of coffee, or milk and snacks, to find a place of sanctuary. Jerome offered a listening heart and a patient presence. No questions asked, no judgments made.
This open invitation to a safe place was, I surmise, in response to a tragedy that had occurred as the result of a person so overwhelmed with desperate thoughts that they had attempted to take their life. They needed safe sanctuary but did not have faith, confidence or a belief that anyone really knew them or really cared about them. Lacking a place, a person, or a safe place in which to sort out the internal pressures and tensions that had built up, it appears that needy individual decided to take their life.
Every life should have a noble purpose.
Jerome, in an attempt to respond to tragedy, found his noble purpose. That purpose was to offer his home, his time, and his willingness to listen, as a crucial first step in helping desperate souls to choose life rather than choosing self-inflicted death. Jerome wanted others to know there was a safe place, a quiet place, a place of hope.
As I was discussing this potential post with a friend of mine over a cup of coffee, he asked what resources and what training Jerome possessed that qualified him to offer his home as a safe place to talk. Right then and there, I called Jerome and invited him to join us for coffee. Almost immediately, almost abruptly, my coffee partner asked Jerome – “so what are your qualifications in offering a safe place for folks who are considering ending their life? Why are you doing this? Do you really think you can stop someone from taking their life?”
Jerome leaned back in his chair for a moment and then gave his answer. “This is what I believe – we are all children of God, we are all loved by God, and we will never truly be alone. When someone is suffering, I am called to find a way to help ease the pain. You ask what my qualification and training is? I have hope that when two or more are gathered in the name of our God, God is present. It’s God’s qualifications I offer – unconditional love, hope, joy, and a deep sense that God can use me to offer peace and healing to troubled souls. I pray with the person in pain, I assure them that God knows them and cares for them and will cause them to be surrounded by people who can be present with them in their time of pain and confusion. I offer them what I think they need most – someone to listen and someone to acknowledge their pain.”
While you and might not describe ourselves as people of faith, we are all part of humankind. We dream similar dreams and we have similar hopes. Each of us will suffer at some time and may even find ourselves alone and forgotten. You and I don’t need a particular faith or religion to offer our time or a caring heart when confronted with another’s pain and heartache. The pain might be because of a lost job, a marriage in trouble, addiction, hopelessness, or dealing with a world that seems to get angrier each day.
Every life should have a noble purpose. Each day we should re-discover the power and promise of hope. And so you and I can share words of encouragement, we can share our time, listen and offer someone who is suffering a place in which they might find a new friend. That’s a pretty noble purpose for which we all are qualified.
So was Jerome’s answer good enough for your coffee partner? “So what are you qualifications to…” is a question that keeps many of us from doing and living into our noble purposes. Jerome said he was a “safe place” not a repairman or therapist to fix the problem. As a licensed local pastor (over a “certain” age) who is not seeking ordination in the United Methodist Church, I feel my qualification(s) are in question a lot. Often, I am made to feel inferior and unqualified to preach and teach by those who are ordained. Nobel purposes helps us to live above and beyond what the masses may think and offer people an authentic, genuine look at Jesus in the flesh. Jerome’s life reminds me of Acts 3:6, “I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give you…”
Natarsha, you are qualified for sure, anointed by the One who called you to witness an abundant and lively faith.
The kindness of devoted, listening silence should not be so hard to find. Unfortunately, it is a skill parents rarely consider showing their children. Several years ago, I read an early childhood study reporting the 2 most common words children hear from their parents–Hurry Up!
People have such potential if they’d just slow down enough to get a glimpse of what they have to offer.
If a man was drowning and a stranger dove into the water to save him would scold him for doing so without the proper training? Would you tell the drowning man to wait for a trained lifeguard? Of course, not!
We have become over professionalized. Jerome recognized that people need to know that another everyday human cares and will offer a listening ear when they need it, not during the next available appointment.
Thank you for your reply. I value professionals and their training, but as you say, if you see someone drowning, you can’t walk away. I hope you will subscribe to my blog or at least, continue to read and comment on my weekly posts.